Recently, my mother-in-law, Janie Halcomb, passed on September 20, 2014. It has been very difficult to get a grip on what has happened. Over the past few months since my baby has been born I have had hostile feelings towards her. I took for granted everything that she did for me. I guess I never fully realized how much she did do for me till I reflected on it. Before I had my baby in December of 2013 Momma Janie had moved in with us (Kyle and my myself) till we got a trailer fixed up for her in our backyard.
We were a lot closer before the baby. I guess when you have a baby your feelings change and you don't want to be really told how to raise your child or what is best for your child when you feel like you already know. Momma Janie always cleaned our house randomly, made us dinner, she always brought me over a plate, and she would give her last dollars to my fiance to take me out on date. She was very special. She gave what she had away or bought for others to see their happiness.
Money does make the world go round. Janie never focused on money though. She just lived and she lived her life to the fullest. Over the course of her life Janie went through a lot. She had big dreams like anyone else. She loved Savannah Georgia and the Tybee Islands. I only wish that we could have taken her there. Janie also always talked about how much she loved Tennessee. We were supposed to go in the spring time because of money this fall. I had focused so much on money that we never went to Tennessee, we never went to the lake in Morehead, and we never went yard-selling.
My sweet mother-in-law would always watch our baby. Matter of fact since she was born she never once turned down the chance to watch her. Janie was there in the room when our little angel was born. Most new moms are really sleep deprived. During the course of my baby's first 8.5 months Janie would come over and stay up all night with our baby so that we could sleep. She decorated our home for when we returned from the hospital. She threw a baby shower just 2 weeks before the baby arrived. Her sister, Eva, and herself put in to get us a great car seat.
She did so much for me and I took it all for granted. I wake up every morning and when I go to make a pot of coffee I see her trailer and a wave of overwhelming sadness consumes me. I know how hard it is on me, I can't imagine how difficult it is on my fiance, Kyle. Kyle was really close to his mother. Kyle is a lot like his mother in the way that he gives his all to make people happy, even though he doesn't have very much money. He just wants to live his life to the fullest like his mother.
That is what Janie taught me over the course of the 4 years that I have known her. Now, I just want to be a good mother, a good wife to her son, and I just want to live life to its fullest. Money shouldn't be the focus of life. Memories is what we should focus on and that is what I plan on doing.
Today, I don't feel like doing homework.
I don't feel like doing much of anything.
I just want to support my grieving future husband.
How can you support someone that wants to be alone and doesn't want to talk? I've been told just to be by his side and support him the best I can. Which I want to do anyway. I don't want him to get in a state of serious depression, in which he won't leave the couch and not eat.
My heart hurts as much as it did the day my papaw suddenly passed.
There are many questions that will probably never be answered.
I know my husband's and my life will never be the same.
